Let's Talk About: Sexual Gaslighting

Written by @zillennialbyjimena

Social media platforms, as we all know, have their pros and con. Unfortunately, with gaslighting and other important psychological terms, platforms such as Tiktok have overused and water-downed the meaning of most. Gaslighting has somehow turned into lying, but it is much deeper than just lying. 

So what is gaslighting? 

The term "gaslighting" comes from the 1938 play and later movie called "Gas Light," in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she's insane by manipulating small elements of her environment and insisting that she's imagining things. 

An individual being gaslit will question their sanity and cannot distinguish the blurred line between real and imaginary. As a result, they will begin to see themselves as not sane or as the villain in the given relationship. A common misconception is that it only happens in relationships, but it can occur among coworkers, parents and their children, politics, etc. 

Additionally, it can happen in elements of your relationship. When gaslighting is focused on your sex life, it is called; sexual gaslighting. Some examples of sexual gaslighting are:

• Repeating lies or misinformation to where you being to question your own memory. 

this could sound like: “I am always the one that has to initiate. Probably because you do not love me enough to.”

• Minimizing and trivializing your feelings and concerns.

this could sound like: “My past partner(s) have always been fine with anal, you are overreacting.”

• Using manipulative tactics, such as withholding any romantic gestures such as kissing, sex, hugs, etc., to make you feel dependent/insecure.

• They are unable to take accountability for their actions. They might blame other people, pretend not to remember, or just refuse to admit they did what they did. 

Gaslighting can be difficult to recognize, especially if you have been a victim of it for a long time. However, here are some warning signs:

• Feeling like you're losing your sense of self.

• Feeling like you're walking on eggshells around the other person, or constantly trying to please them.

• Second-guessing yourself or apologizing excessively, even when you haven't done anything wrong.

• Feeling confused, anxious, or insecure about your own perceptions or memories.

• Constantly engaging in sexual behaviors, regardless if they are satisfying you. 

Gaslighting is not something that should be taken lightly. If you suspect that you're being gaslit, it's important to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional. Gaslighting can be damaging to a person's self-esteem, mental health, and relationships, and it's important to recognize and address it as soon as possible