Consent: Explained

Written by: Estefania Pena 

Consent is an agreement that occurs when one person voluntarily agrees to the proposal of another:
It is doing the same thing, at the same time, in the same way.
Doing the same thing

Doing the same thing

Communicating with a potential partner about what you are going to do together. This means talking
about sex. Most importantly, ask and be specific.

Doing it at the same time

Consent must be continually given throughout the sexual encounter. If someone said yes to sexual
contact yesterday, that does not mean they consent to it today.
 

Doing it in the same way
Consent has to be specific. Because someone consented to a kiss, does not convey that they consent
to other kinds of sexual contact. When done correctly, consent is specific enough.

Consent is:

• continual
• specific
• not simply a lack of not forced
• coherent
• given freely

REMEMBER FRIES…
Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific

Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or
alcohol. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it
before. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says
they’ll use a condom and they don’t, there isn’t full consent. When it comes to sex, you should only do
stuff you want to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do. Saying yes to one thing doesn’t
mean you’ve said yes to others.

Why is consent important?

Communication, honesty and respect make sexual relationships better. Asking for and obtaining
consent shows respect for yourself and your partner. It eliminates the entitlement that one partner
might feel over the other. Neither your body nor your sexuality belongs to someone else.

How does consent work?

When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication. And it should happen
every time for every type of activity. Consenting to one activity, one time, doesn't mean someone
gives consent for other activities or for the same activity on other occasions.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND AT ANY TIME
You can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable. The best way to ensure that all
parties are comfortable with any sexual activity is to talk about it. Check-in periodically, and make
sure everyone involved consents before escalating or changing activities.

Coercion vs. Consent

• Consent: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something
• Coercion: the practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats
  If you don't really want to have sex but agree because you feel obligated or don't want the other
  person to get mad, you aren’t consenting voluntarily. Coercion happens when someone wants you to
  consent when you’ve already said no or otherwise expressed disinterest. They might use threats,
  persuasion, or other tactics to get the outcome they want.